thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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