It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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