btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
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BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
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