I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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