If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is Oprah even human
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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