Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
