Your tits are I can't wait for
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
