Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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