Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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