I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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