I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
