So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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