watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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