By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
