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her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
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