you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?