why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.