I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs