Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.