His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you inspire me to be a worse person
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
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Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants