anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
