well I can't set my house on fire every night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize