My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
