Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
