I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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