are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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