Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
