So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
