Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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