I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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