you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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