I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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