I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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