I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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