I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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