Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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