I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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