I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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