Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
