On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
