I hate your face
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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