Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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