May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
