she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
