You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
