so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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