Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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