we have pet lesbian snakes
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
