we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
