well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
