This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
