is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
