We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
