You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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