Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
