Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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