She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
