she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize