saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
