The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
