I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
