What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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