Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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