We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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