um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
