Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
