I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
