I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
