Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
