obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
