please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
