Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
