Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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