It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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