i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
