i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
