just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
