i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We need a shit load of segways right now
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
