I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
